Sweet For Certain
by Kismet
Summary: An odd little 2xH vignette I wrote in response to Cherry Blossom's songfic challenge. *sweatdrop* Eh...just read! ^_^


**Disclaimer:** The Gundam Wing hunks o' hot stuff -- er...*blushes* I mean...the G-boys all belong to Sotsu or whomever. They're not mine, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give them back so easily. Not until they firebomb my house, anyway. *cackles* Seriously, though, this story is so completely harmless that a lawyer wouldn't even be able to make a case of infringement out of it (which, by the way, is not intended).  
**Author's Note:** Well...this strange little idea just hit me in the head while I was reading Cherry Blossom's songfic challenge, and I kinda wanted to try it out. It's a tiny Duo/Hilde romance/angst/fluff thingy. It's also a bit short, but then all songfics are short, right? If you guys like this idea, I just might expand on it and make it into a longer fic, who knows. *shrugs* Please don't be too harsh with me. This was a pretty quick fic, so I apologize if it doesn't make much sense at times. You can blame that on Wuffie if you like. The _baka_ hasn't been doing his job. ^_^  
  
**Kismet:** Dang. I try to write a fic in which I attempt to not hurt anybody, and look what happens!  
**Wufei:** I had nothing to do with this, _minna-san._  
**Kismet:** Yes you did! _Baka,_ you're my muse!  
**Wufei:** Since when?  
**Kismet:** Since...I started writing fics!  
**Wufei:** If this fic flops, you're not going to blame _me_ for it, are you?  
**Kismet:** Wuffie, with me, ya never know.  
  
  


Sweet For Certain  
  
_by Kismet  
  
kismetchan@hotmail.com_  
  
**********  
  
_"Life is short, but sweet for certain."_  
~Dave Matthews

  
  
One of Duo's greatest personality traits is that he can always make me laugh, no matter what. Even if I'm exhausted, or if I've just had the day from hell, he's constantly going out of his way to get a smile from me as if his life depended on it. Even now, as I lie prostrate and ashen in my hospital bed, he's still been cracking more of his ridiculous jokes. And I would smile for hours on end if that meant it would keep him going.   
  


_// Make it go away, or make it better  
Isn't that what love's supposed to do?  
Make it go away, or make it better,  
'Cause I would do either one for you... //_

  
  
Because I find that's all I can do for him these days...smile and laugh, pretend that nothing bad is happening to me, that I'm not slowly wasting away to nothingness. Duo's desperately trying to distract me, but I find that at the end of the day, when the nurses turn out the light for me so that I can sleep, I can't help but think about the future.   
  
I have leukemia. I have a rather good prognosis, but I'm trying to forget about it all the same. I'm trying to focus on the time I have now, the time I have left with my Duo. I don't care that I'm stuck in this stupid gray hospital room, either. I don't care that I can't go outside and see the sky or how the leaves have changed color for autumn. I don't care what I do, really, as long as Duo's here with me.   
  
And he's here right now. He's sitting right next to me in a sticky vinyl chair, leaning forward so that his head is resting on his arms. The fingers of his right hand are entwined in my own, and he's fast asleep. His eyes are shut tight, and his mouth is slightly open as he slowly breathes in and out. His long braid is draped over the edge of my bed, and the dim light catches dark gold highlights among the chestnut strands. He is so beautiful.   
  


_// This is not the way you should see me,  
This is not the face I recognize...  
Could I lay my head down here for a moment?  
Would you sing to me like I'm your child? //_

  
  
It makes me wonder why he even loves me. I can't help but glance over at the mirror across the room, and what I see makes me grimace. I look absolutely horrible. Even though the medicine I'm being given helps the pain, it makes me so dizzy that I can't walk. Leukemia, being a disease of the blood, has run its course throughout my body, weakening my muscles so that even a little movement is exhausting. I've become so thin that my wedding ring doesn't even fit anymore. I have dark bags under my eyes, and my skin is so pale it's nearly translucent. My arms are nearly covered with bruises, most of which I can't remember even causing. I just wake up every day and there are more and more.   
  
The worst thing is...my hair is gone. The chemotherapy took it away. I remember Duo nearly broke down completely when saw it. At first I assumed it was because I was ugly, but now I realize that before he was still in denial of my illness. He said he was going to cut off his own hair so I could have a wig made out of it. I laughed when he said that, but when I looked in his eyes I realized he was truly serious. But in the end I made him promise not to do it. He looked so sad when I told him to keep his hair, but he just hugged me and told me he thought I was beautiful. That's all he could do. He feels helpless, I know, because he doesn't know what else he can do to make me feel better. And neither do I.   
  


_// 'Cause I'm not angry, I'm not crying,  
I'm just in over my head...  
You could be the angel, stayed on my shoulder,  
When all of the other angels left. //_

  
  
It's really hard for him. I watched him closely as my illness got worse. He was furious at first, angry at God for causing him more pain. And it made me feel guilty. I know it's not my fault that this happened, but I never meant to hurt him this way. I don't want to make this harder than it has to be, so I put on a brave face all the time just for him. When I act like I feel okay, I think it makes Duo feel better. And I'm glad he's here, because he's the one who makes me strong. I don't want him to be alone ever again.   
  
"You haven't lost your faith, have you?" I asked him once.   
  
He hugged me tighter. "Nope...I thought I did for a while, but I haven't."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because besides you, that's all that I've got left," he whispered, kissing me.   
  


_// Make it go away, 'cause I am weakened,  
This is more than one should have to take,  
If you do this for me, then I will promise,  
I'll make it go away for you someday. //_

  
  
To stay strong I keep setting goals for myself. If I keep going, Duo will never be alone. If I somehow manage to beat the odds and get better, I won't be alone either. All I've ever wanted to do is make him happy. And I told him so a couple of weeks ago.   
  
"You already _do_ make me happy," he insisted. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You married me, didn't you?"   
  
I just blushed, unable to tell him what I _really_ wanted. I couldn't tell him how jealous I was of Relena and Heero and their new baby, how _they_ could have one and _we_ could not. Someday, I told myself, we will.   
  
I reach over, push a stray strand of unruly hair out of Duo's eyes, and suppress a smile. He's _so_ cute when he sleeps. I actually can't recall the last time we spent any _real_ time together. If I had the energy I'd probably grab him and pull him in bed next to me right now, but I'd have to wake him up, and then he'd probably never go back to sleep, poor guy. He never sleeps enough. He worries about me too much. Lately he's been obsessing over everything -- mostly my health and whether the doctors are doing enough for me. I'm afraid one of these days he's going to threaten them with their lives.   
  


_// There are reasons, silver linings...  
There are lessons, but I don't care.  
'Cause I just need a hand that I can hold onto,  
When it's darker than death out there. //_

  
  
I squeeze Duo's hand, and our rings clink together. I close my eyes, thinking of the inscriptions written on the insides in tiny script. Duo's has _"Always,"_ written on it while mine says, _"Forever."_ Forever. I used to think that our happiness would last that long. I always thought that love could beat anything. But now I know that fate has a tendency to get in the way. I hadn't counted on having a stupid disease _change_ my life forever. And neither did Duo.   
  
"Aren't you afraid, Hilde?" he asked me the other day.   
  
"Yes," I said.   
  
"Why don't you ever show it?"   
  
I hugged him. "Because I know _you're_ afraid, too."   
  
I used to think about death all the time. I still think about it at night when I'm all by myself, just me and the darkness. It seems like it's always hanging over my head like an angry black cloud, ready to start pouring down on me any second. Sally says that there are drugs that can cure me completely. And then I can _really_ forget and start over again.   
  


_// Oh, I'm so cold, and so far away from home,  
But tonight you're, you're where I belong.  
You're everything right when I'm everything wrong. //_

  
  
So far nothing's worked yet. I'm still sick and getting sicker. Duo has been here twenty-four hours a day, watching daytime TV with me and eating my strawberry Jell-O cubes. He and his friends have practically bought out the entire hospital gift shop. Every time I they come to visit, they have something new for me. Their visits always cheer me up, but then again sometimes they depress me a lot. When Relena came last night, she brought pictures of her son because I can't leave the hospital to see him. It made me sad to see what I was missing out on...and it made me shudder to think what I'd miss if I gave up on myself.   
  
"What's wrong, Hilde?" Duo asked me when they left.   
  
I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn't. I was tired of being brave. "I just want this to go away," I sobbed. "Just make it go away."   
  
He sat down beside me and gathered me up in his arms. "If I could make it go away, I would have," he whispered.   
  
"I just want to go home," I sighed tearfully.   
  
We sat there, him rocking me back and forth, until I fell asleep.   
  


**********

  
  


_// So make it go away, or make it better,  
Isn't that what love's supposed to do?  
Just make it go away, or make it better,  
'Cause I would do either one for you... //_

  
  
At my side, Duo suddenly opens his eyes. "You let me fall asleep, didn't you?" he says, lifting his head up and blinking.   
  
I smile. It hurts if I move too much, but it never hurts to smile. "Oops."   
  
He smiles back and kisses my hand. "No problem. Hey, guess what today is."   
  
"What?"   
  
"You have to _guess."_ He grins mischievously and his eyes sparkle. I love when he does that.   
  
"Hmmm..." I say. "It can't be your birthday because I would have heard about this every day for the last three months. It's not my birthday, and it's not our anniversary because that was a good six months ago...so, I give up. What's today?"   
  
He sighs. "Well...it was _supposed_ to be a surprise, but I can't wait to tell you anyway."   
  
"Tell me!" I laugh. "If you don't tell me, I'm going to d --" I break off mid-sentence, mentally slapping myself for almost saying the d-word. _Stupid, stupid, stupid Hilde._ "-- I'm going to go crazy."   
  
Duo gives me an amused look. "Nice save."   
  
I look away. "Shut up and tell me what it is you're hiding."   
  


_// Make it go away, or make it better,  
Isn't that what love's supposed to do?  
Make it go away, or make it better,  
'Cause I'd do either one for you... //_

  
  
"We-ell...I talked to Sally today while you were asleep, and she said --" he leans in close so I can feel his warmth. "-- she said you can come home tomorrow."   
  
I'm in awe. "For real?"   
  
"For real." Duo kisses me gently on the lips. "The doc says you've gotta be careful, though. But not to worry. I'll take care of you."   
  
A impish smile crosses my face, and I shiver involuntarily. "That should be fun."   
  
He frowns. "Cold?"   
  
"Erm...sort of."   
  
"I can fix that," Duo declares, and he hops in bed beside me. Then he carefully wraps his arms gently around me, resting his chin on top of my head. "Better?"   
  
"Definitely," I say, fighting off sleep. I don't know how he does it, but somehow Duo makes everything all right. I know I'm not strong yet. But it will come back if I just hang on a bit longer. If I can make it through this rough part of my life, somehow I think everything will be okay.   
  
I'm going home. I don't have to stay in this God-forsaken hospital anymore. I'm going home with Duo, where I belong. Finally.   
  


_*owari*_   
  
**********

  
  
**Kismet:** Gah...why can't I write fics that actually have a point?  
**Wufei:** I'm not going to answer that.  
**Kismet:** Why?  
**Wufei:** Because you'd kill me!  
**Kismet:** *hides her face* Ohhh...that fic was stupid.  
**Wufei:** It wasn't _that_ bad.  
**Kismet:** *looks up* What did you say?  
**Wufei:** *gulps* Nothing!  
**Kismet:** Wow, Wuffie! Coming from you, that was a compliment!  
**Wufei:** I didn't say anything! Honest!  
**Kismet** *rolls eyes* Ugh, whatever. So, _minna-san_...what did you think? Should I re-write this completely, or should I quit my day job and devote the rest of my high school career to writing sappy fluff? Only _you_ decide, so quit readin' and start typin'!  
  



End file.
